‘Twas the Night Before Christmas (Run Run Reindeer! Edition)

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas (by Clement Clarke Moore 1779-1863, originally known as “A Visit from St. Nicholas” in 1822), updated by Jeremy Murphy, 2013.

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas
And All Through the House
Not a Runner was Stirring
No child or my Spouse.

The Runners were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of PR’s danced in their heads.
And Mama crunching biscotti, and I munching gingersnaps
Had just settled our brains for long hibernation naps.

When out in the snow there arose such run-clatter
I bolted from bed to see what was the matter,
Away to the window I ran with a flash
Tore open the blinds and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of a midsummer dream to objects below.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a turbo-powered sleigh and eight running reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

Run Fartlek, Run Hills! Run Tempo! Run Long Slow & Distance,
Run-Streaks, Run Challenges, Run Faster Turnover & Run Garmin(ce).
To the top of the porch! Smash through the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!

As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top running reindeer they flew,
With the sleigh stocked with toys and St. Nicholas too.

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his Five Fingers
And his clothes were decorated with quinoa & chia seed flingers.
An enormous bundle of running gear he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a running geek, just opening his pack.

His eyes, how they twinkled-his dimples how merry!
His iced cheeks were like roses, his nose like a berry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

Dark-green dinosaur kale and carrots he held tight in his teeth
And chew-crunching it sounded like an unfortunate thief
He had a broad face and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word but went straight to work
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his runners gave a whistle,
And away they ran with abandon to deliver a running epistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight.

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!